He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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