I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
