Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
