someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
