I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
