guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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