This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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