I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
