So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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