walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
