why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
