I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
