he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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