Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
