I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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