Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
