they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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