I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
