New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
