Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
my liver is dry heaving
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
