Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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