the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
