just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
