Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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