If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
