and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
