Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
