D3 body, D1 cock
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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