i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
