Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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