You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
