she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
