And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
