I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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