I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
