you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
