Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
