this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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