is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize