Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
