I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
