Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
