wrigley field is MILF paradise
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
