If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize