I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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