I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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