I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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