I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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