Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize