Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
