My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
