So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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