he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
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