dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
