I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
