remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize