I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize