wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
