Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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