The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
