Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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