As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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