My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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