Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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