Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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