I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
