trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
