Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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