East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
