I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
