Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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