one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
