I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
