Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
