Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
